Cheesy lead crystal bud vase tchokes

While opening our wedding gifts amongst our family, we got a lead crystal bud vase. Opening up the box, a small note was stuck inside the vase. I read aloud the congratulatory note to the happy couple on their future together. Too bad it was addressed to her and my brother! Neither were there for the unveiling, but we have video.
I don’t mind a re-gift, but please! Do be so lazy as to not at least check and make sure it isn’t chipped, broken, dirty, or has the original gifting note in it!

A Makeover

I was transformed as a joke from n executive into a homeless bum by my father-in-law.

200 toothbrushes

My husband and I invited his friend who was a dentist to our wedding.  When we went to open his gift it was wrapped lovely and we were excited to open this gift. Upon opening it we saw 200 toothbrushes!  All of these 200 toothbrushes were stamped with his name because he was a dentist.  It was an interesting gift and to say the least. Whenever we are asked what was the most interesting or memorable gift, we always answer “toothbrushes”.

The Clothes my father in law gave me (on the right!)

A Pickup Truck to Replace my Porsche

My blue-collar father-in-law gave me a pick-up truck, which he knew I didn’t want or need, and which cost him plenty. He wanted me to drive one, so he sent it to me!

Overalls and Work Boots to Replace My Pinstriped Suits and Italian Wingtips

My father-in-law is a powerful presence in our lives. He is a bricklayer; I am an investment banker. He has wanted me to turn into a blue collar worker like himself since I met my wife. He never had a son and wants someone to take over his one-man business.

We have been married twelve years now, and not a visit goes by without a comment about how I should say goodbye to my white collar life and become the man I was made to be! All of his gifts are related to that. 

Two years ago there was a surprise birthday party for me at my office; there my father-in-law presented me with a pair of overalls, work boots and white socks - and insisted as a “joke” that I swap my business attire for his gifts.

Well, this was followed up by the whole crowd demanding the same thing, and I finally gave in and changed.

My father-in-law kept up the “joke” by stealing
my “banker clothes” as he calls them, announcing that I wouldn’t need them anymore! So by the time I left, my Armani pinstriped suit, silk tie, white shirt, cufflinks, English wingtips and black dress socks were piled in a heap in his truck and I was dressed as the blue collar man he wants me to be.

A lousy gift.

Mouse Box

My worst gift ever received would probably be a mouse. 

However, this mouse was not a functional mouse.  It was a hollow case in which you can (evidently) store things (maybe a smaller, functioning, mouse). 

Just looking at it filled me with frustration, as it reminded me of a real mouse, yet was useless. 

My brother replaced the family’s computer mouse with this monstrosity, causing confusion for minutes.  It was the only purpose this gift ever served.

Just a curved handle of an umbrella!

The worst gift I ever got was at a White Elephant gift exchange.  I got the curved handle of an umbrella, not whole umbrella just the handle broken off. 

This was used as an example of what not to bring for years.

The Track with No Name

Worst gift: I always want as a child an original carrera track but I only get one no name one to Christmas, this is not a bad gift but I am still in obsession of owning and playing a real original carrera track.

So if I get a son I will buy a carrera track as soon as possible!

Crocodile party, Diamond Earings & White Chocolate!

The gift has to have some aspect of anticipation, it has to have a sooo close but not quite right, and it has to one of those that you have to smile a say thank you, even as you grit your teeth.

For me, it was one Christmas my family (kids) bought me a game.

I have so many they rarely get me any, but they dropped hints, built it up over time, then I could see it under the tree. It sounded right when you shook it.

So when we got around to finally opening it – Crocodile Pool Party!! It proudly sits on the shelf filling that hole in my “Kosmos for 2” collection, but even after a few plays with the kids, they too thought that was the best place for it.

I think my wife was in on this, the joke gift is a family tradition.

One Christmas, I pulled a twist on this on my wife. She unwrapped a cheap hand operated personal ice cream maker, an ok appliance, but wanted about as much as a new pair of underwear.

The kids and I player it up, her big gift, oh she could be using all the time, isn’t it wonderful – oh to see the strained smile on her face……priceless. 

Then I told her to look at the “ICE” inside the ice cream maker. Place inside was a new pair of diamond earrings……….the smile wasn’t so strained after that.

Also, my worst ever gift was from my parents. They know that white chocolate gives me severe migraines and yet a couple of years ago they got my posh WHITE CHOCOLATE as one of my Christmas presents!
Cheers guys,

Men's low-rise bikini briefs.

Many moons ago, a woman I was dating commented on my choice in
underwear: boxers, mostly single-color, nothing fancy.  She mentioned
in passing one day that she was going to get me something a little
more… alluring.  Nothing happened.  I thought nothing of it.

Until Christmas.

At her family’s house.

When I gave her a rather expensive bike that she’s been wanting.

And she gave me the underwear.

Men’s low-rise bikini briefs.

With the California Raisins cartoon characters on the front.

Everyone laughed very, very hard.  But her.

THAT was a holiday season worth forgetting.

a flat wood-carved rooster

As kids, we had grandparents who were totally disconnected in regard to family.

We never really knew them, and they were all about living it up and blowing their wad.

So, I received many ridiculous gifts from them (when they DID send gifts). One Christmas, I received (and I can’t believe I’m saying this) a flat wood-carved rooster. It was
painted with red and white and some other colors. This is the kind of thing where you would think: “How did this item even come into existence? Who actually came up with the idea of carving this goofy looking rooster?”

Now, keep in mind, I’m like elementary school age at the time. What in the world will a little kid who’s into GI Joe, He-Man and Transformers ever do with a 7in x 10in wooden rooster?

I think we kept that rooster around for a few years just for laughs. It was flat
too, like maybe half an inch thick. It was just a flat painted rooster. I still laugh thinking back to that thing. Where the heck did my grandparents get it? The mystery will never be solved.

I don’t know if that’s my worst gift EVER, but it’s only hideously ridiculous gift I can think of right now.

The Bouncing Check Trick!

The worst gift I ever got was -$5.00 .  My step-brother-in-law wrote us a check for a wedding gift which bounced.  My bank charged me $5.00 for trying to cash a bad check.

Strawberry Shortcake divider plate and a Shotgun

I received a Strawberry Shortcake divider plate from my grandmother for Christmas when I was 16.

This gift followed my cousin getting a nice semi-automatic shotgun, which seemed to make this gift even worse when I opened it:(

If that was even possible!

No Gift Yet!

I’m not too sure if this story will count because I still haven’t received this gift yet.

Last Christmas my family exchanged names instead of giving each person a gift, as the number of people in the family was just getting too big. 

My sister Kristen received my name and as Christmas came and past I had not received the gift yet.  This wasn’t unusual as at the time I lived in Bangkok, Thailand and my sister lived in San Diego, CA. 

After talking with my sister she assured me that it would be on it’s way soon.  As time went by I eagerly checked the mail for its arrival as mail from family overseas is a commodity and extra nice to receive but it never came. 

A couple months later my birthday past and still no gift. 

Six months down the road there was still no gift.  I contacted my sister to catch up with her and after asking her about the gift she told me she had bought it but never sent it. 

One of the things that was a bit hard about this was that our family usually sent gifts to everyone but now that we had exchanged names only one gift was expected and mine had still not come, despite my sister’s assurance she was going to send it. 

Since that time my wife and I have moved back to the states and speaking with my sister again, she tells me she still has not sent it.  Feeling bad about it she tells me to send her a list of things she could add to it and make up for the lost time. 

I sent the new list and now two months later, still no gift. 

I’ve all but given up on my sister now.  This would have to be my worst gift ever, not because of the actual item (who knows what it actually is) but because it was an expectation and promise of a gift from a loved one that has never materialized.

homemade chocolate chip and walnut cookies

And my worst gift was a box of homemade chocolate chip and walnut cookies...made with salt instead of sugar.

The lady who was making them hates nuts so she didn’t bother trying any of them. She should have.

They were gross.

used can of tennis balls

My worst gift ever received was a used can of tennis balls from a relative.  Hey, it’s the thought that counts. 

Beard and Moustache Trimmer

#2.  Beard and Moustache Trimmer - again, my same aunt bought me this last year.  I suppose it’s a nice beard trimmer....  but I don’t have a beard or moustache!

Belly Button Brush

#1.  Bellybutton Brush - my aunt bought me this for Christmas.  I was mortified.

Surprise Game - checkers shot glasses

Everybody knows I’m an avid Eurogamer, and those who know me well know it’s best not to try to guess what games I would like as gifts. It’s better to ask. One in-law, however—bless her heart—always tries to surprise me with a game.

Trouble is, she knows nothing about the kinds of games I play. Opening her gifts always strains my acting ability, as I try to make her think I’m delighted, whether it’s San Francisco-opoly or a fancy set of dominoes.

Last Christmas, I got what I think was the worst game-related gift. I managed to combine two things that I try to avoid: checkers and drinking.

It was a checkers set made up of shot glasses. If I had to choose one of the two activities, it would probably be drinking. After that, MAYBE I would consent to play checkers.

Egg Slicer!

Worst gift—The first Christmas my girlfriend and I spent together, she got me an egg slicer.

For those who don’t know what an egg slicer is, it is basically a contraption upon which you lay an egg, press a lever, and then receive many uniform egg slices.

I didn’t know I wanted such a contraption and have a feeling this was one of those gifts labeled “for the both of us”.

Of course this means it was a gift for her, but oh well. To end the story I got her emerald earrings, she got me an egg slicer. Go figure.

Rubber Snake!

The worst gift I ever received was when I was about 15 or 16 years old (24yo. now).  It was Christmas time, and my uncle and his wife had been known to give somewhat strange gifts, like salt & pepper shakers that about looked like the fish from Finding Nemo.

Well, I grabbed my box, and it had some heft to it.  That’s usually a good sign.  Underwear or socks don’t weigh much.  Anyway, I open it with great anticipation and anxiety to find......a rubber snake staring me in the face.  Yes, my uncle and his wife gave a 16-year-old guy, a rubber snake, and me for Christmas.  If that weren’t enough, it was actually asked right then and there among my family why in the world they would give me that.  Their answer: “Well, no young boy should ever be without a rubber snake.”

Soap, DVDs and a Book

1. My mom gave me soap for a Christmas gift. She claimed that she wasn’t implying anything, even though I take showers everyday. Very insulting considering we had lots of family and friends at the gift opening occasion.

2. My Sister gave me a birthday gift this past year of a DVD collection of horror movies, one of those 3 dollar DVDs that come with 10-20 movies, won’t be so bad, except she used the gift certificate that I gave her for her birthday (we are twins) two day prior (she had a party 2 days before our birthday).

3. My sister gave me a book for Christmas one year that I wanted, but she bought it cause she wanted to read it because after I opened it she took it said she wanted to read it and took it and put it in her room.

I got stuff that was already mine!

My worst gift that I have received was when my brother just wrapped things that already belonged to me and gave them to me for Christmas.

Of course the next Christmas I stole stuff from him and gave it to him for Christmas.

Statuette of a baseball player

My worst gift was a statuette of a baseball player (cheap manufacture)… knowing that I event don’t know how to play baseball (yep I’m not American!).

Thanks for Nothing!

I got married 6 years ago, after I moved from Belgium to the north of the Netherlands (about 350 km from my parents). 

So my parents (we don’t go along very well, but my mother likes to show up on really important days, to show that SHE does her duty) come to our wedding and most of the time you get all sorts of presents. 

My sisters comes with a huge present, and some people from which we did not expect too much went out of their way to make it a memorable day for us. 

But nothing at all from my parents.  At 9 o’clock, they start getting ready to go home and I walk them to the parking lot. 

My mother is a bit uneasy and she starts ‘uhm, Ann, as you have seen, we did not bring anything for your wedding’ (yes I did - and my parents are far from poor, they own a house without mortgage, my father works for this huge pharmaceutical firm - Pfizer!) I just look at her.  ‘uhm.  You know. Uhm, with the fuel being at its contemporary price level and all. Well.  Uhm.  Your father and I decided against it.  Your present lies in our showing up’ .......  I was thinking WTF!

I know, I’m used to strange presents from them (one of my birthday presents was that I could buy MYSELF with MY OWN money a ticket to my fiancée in the north of Holland some years earlier - I was happy too, since we really wanted to see each other - but please!). 

I never said anything about it, but I make sure to go out of my way if THEY have something to celebrate.  To no avail.  I got nothing when I finished my PhD.  But they were in the front row. 

My revenge was sweet though.  I never thanked them in my book, like most people do.

previously eaten piece of gooey candy

Worst gift” I’ve received:  My daughter when she was 3 or 4 gave me a ball of Christmas wrapping paper with a bow on top. 

It was before Christmas and we were wrapping presents for friends and family. My daughter wanted me to open it and when I did I found a moist previously eaten piece of gooey candy. 

When asked about it, she said she had gotten it out of the box and tried it, but didn’t like it.  She thought I would.  I guess it is the thought that counts.

"promise ring"

I’d have to say the worst xmas gift I ever got was a “promise ring”.  I’d been seeing this girl for about 4 years, and it was clear we were going to break up. 

She wanted to “move our relationship forward”, and being 22, I was not interested in doing such a thing.  In my opinion, it was pretty obvious we were just staying together over the holidays. 

Here I’m thinking that it’s time to say goodbye, and get each other some nice “parting gifts”.  I got her a cool camera.  She gets me a promise ring that looked like a wedding ring. 

Regardless, what the heck does a guy want with a “promise ring”?

A bag of beef Jerky and other assorted tat!

Let me start this by saying, all that I am about to convey to you is 100% real.  To be truthful, you can’t make it up.  My worst gifts all come from the same individual. My ex-mother-in-law (who will be referred to as EMIL going forward).  Yes...ex.  That’s a story for a different email, but I digress.

In order to put these degree of wretchedness of these gifts in perspective, I need to tell you a few of the things my EMIL owns for herself…

A $300 Colorado Avalanche hockey jersey
Cable Television
A DirecTV dish
Hundreds of dollars of NHL hockey cards

EMIL was infamous for her gifts.  One Christmas I received the following items…

A bag of beef Jerky

4 Betty Crocker pamphlet style cookbooks

A Green Bay Packer had that had those fiber optic deals in it that made the hat light up.

A bottle of Montreal steak seasoning by McCormick company

and last but not least…

A pack of gum (Big Red to be exact).

Now...I am not trying to say that people should give gifts that cost hundreds of dollars.  I just think that this set of gifts, for its sheer variety and lack of theme, combined with the fact that it all obviously came from the Mejier grocery store 3 blocks from her house, make it a real candidate for “Worst Gifts”

tile grout whitener.

Worst gift:  I always hate those work Christmas parties where you have to buy something for a name drawn out of a hat for say $5 or $10 or some other amount.  One year I got given a bottle of tile grout whitener.